Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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