So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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