called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
