I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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