I'm eating all of the evidence.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Drunk is not a location!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
