I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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