Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My life is pants optional.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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