If that was your dad, he is hot
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
