i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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