garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
