Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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