im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
