So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
