She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
