big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
