I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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