'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
