i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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