im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
