eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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