video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
