I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
