I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
