you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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