I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
