oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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