I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
