apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
