Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
