my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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