I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
