also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
