Your dad touched me again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They took my balls.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
