Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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