At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
