I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
