she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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