Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
