awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
