Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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