You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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