I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
