I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
