i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
