Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
