Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He has the fingertips of a God
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