And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
