Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
