So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
