If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
