Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
