i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
